a revelation

I've been thinking a lot today about how blessed I've been through this journey so far. Then something that I hadn't thought about in a while smacked me upside the head. I've often wondered why God allowed us to get pregnant with ML so quickly after we got married. Our plan was to wait 2-3 years to have a baby so that I could easily finish graduate school. We had been married 6 months when we found out I was pregnant and all our plans were thrown out the window. Even during that moment of shock, we knew that God had plans that were bigger than ours and that we just had to trust in him. It hit me today that he knew we'd be walking down this road now. If we had it our way on when to have kids, I probably would have been pregnant when I found the lump. God knew what we didn't and chose to bless us with what we wanted earlier than we wanted it.

Until today, I'd been feeling sorry for myself because I still want another baby and can't even try to have one for at least 5 years. But now, I'm thankful that God's plans aren't my own and that he chose to bless me with a child before I was ready for one. I'm in awe of how he works things together for our good, even when we would have preferred them to have been totally different.

I forgot to mention this last week, but my genetic testing came back negative. In all the tests they did, no mutation was found in the BRCA-1 or BRCA-2 genes.

new 'do

So I'd originally planned to just get a buzz cut a week or so after my first chemo treatment. I decided that might be just a teensy drastic and decided on a shorter pixie cut instead. It's short enough that it'll be easy to buzz it later if my hair does start coming out but it's also still feminine in case it only thins and doesn't come out all the way.

I did a google search and looked through pinterest and found a couple styles that I liked that I thought would work for my face shape. I've always loved Audrey Hepburn, so I decided to try something similar to the pixie cut she had in some of her movies. My stylist fixed it so that it has more volume (I was clueless how to make it do that so she was showing me a few things) but I'll probably normally fix it where it is a little flatter.

After my cut, both the girls decided they needed a new hairstyle too. Mattie Leigh got four inches or so cut off hers and got it styled with layers. Allie Grace got about two inches trimmed from hers and got a few wispy layers added. They are both excited about their "big girl" haircuts.

Amazed

I was really expecting to have some major nausea after my chemo on Monday. Praise the Lord, I haven't had more than really mild nausea a couple of different times (I'm fairly certain one can be attributed to acid reflux and the other to a bad migraine).

I've also still had most of my energy and have felt like doing just about as much as I have since feeling better from surgery. I know how blessed I am and that this is by far an exception and not the norm for how people feel post chemo. Thank you to everyone for the prayers; I'm certain that this is why I have done so well so far in my recovery.

I had my second physical therapy session today. I was told that I have almost my full range of motion back and that I only need to go for sessions once a week instead of three times a week. I am being allowed to drop my range of motion exercises from six times a day to twice a day and I have some strengthening exercises to do once a day. I was talking with another lady who was having physical therapy done on her foot, and my therapist told her that I was one of the toughest people that he'd seen this quickly post surgery. I know God has big plans for my story because of the many miracles that he keeps performing in my life.

I'm going to get my hair cut tomorrow. I decided not to shave it. I'm going to get a pixie cut (like Audrey Hepburn had in some of her movies and like Anne Hathaway has for her role in Les Mis. This way, I still have some hair and don't look totally crazy if it doesn't fall out from chemo. If it does fall out, I can easily just buzz cut it later.

first treatment

I had to be at the clinic at 9:00 this morning for my first chemo treatment. I waited a little over an hour for them to call me back for lab work. I think it was at least another hour after that that we went back for them to start the IV. They pumped me full of Zofran and Decadron before starting the chemo drugs so that I wouldn't be nauseous and to help lessen any allergic reaction that I could have had. I was also given a flu shot and pneumonia shot. I think we finally left the clinic around 3:00.

I had one of the best nurses (I told her I was requesting her for my other treatments too). She told Kevin and me that she could see the hand of God on me and that she could feel the peace that I had about the whole situation. She then told me "by HIS stripes, you are healed!" It reassured me, yet again, that God is definitely holding on to me during this journey.

Because I was hyped up from the Decadron, we went to Target after we left the clinic. I found a couple more hats on sale and we found Allie Grace's birthday present. I wanted to get out while I felt like it and take care of her present...I've been so afraid that I wouldn't feel up to helping her celebrate turning three so I needed to get this done while I could.

We also had dinner with a dear friend on our way back home. He actually took time out of his hectic schedule to come to the clinic and sit with us for a little while too. Again, God knew I needed a little extra reassurance that I was going to be okay today.

I was so excited when we got home because my new the rusted chain necklace came in the mail today. I LOVE Beki's work. I got this one with a gift certificate that I won from a facebook giveaway that she did. I think it fits perfectly with my situation right now.

a quick update

I've been drain free since January 28. Dr. Runnels has added saline to the tissue expanders twice. That wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but I was pretty sore for about 48 hours after. I also started physical therapy to help me regain range of motion and strength in my shoulders. I went for my first session yesterday. The physical therapist told me that I already have more range of motion than a lot of women he's seen that come in after mastectomies. He made me do several exercises and then stretched out my shoulders. I was sent home with four exercises to do six times a day. I was also told that I could put my arms over my head while holding a three pound weight. Since starting therapy, I've already seen a difference in my range of motion. He told me that I would see a difference much faster if I did the exercises six times a day, but I wasn't expecting as big a one as I've seen already in 24 hours.

I start chemo on Monday. Please be praying that my body doesn't have all the nasty side effects that go along with it. I've been told to expect horrible nausea and extreme tiredness...I'm praying that it isn't that bad and that I'm able to keep up with my physical therapy exercises.

Our insurance is giving me a headache. They keep telling everyone that we have to meet our $2000 deductible. We should have already met it, but I keep getting that speech about needing to pay that much before we can be covered. We've also probably hit the "max per illness" that our insurance allows. Please pray that each of the clinics/facilities that I've had and will have to use will work with us. Also pray that our supplemental cancer policy will cover a huge chunk that our health insurance doesn't.

I've got hats and a couple scarves and material to make a few more scarves, so I'm set for when I go to shave my head. I refuse to let chemo take my hair and plan to either shave it myself or let the lady that cuts my hair do it for me.

Does anyone have any good books, iPhone or kindle fire apps, or movies recommendations for me? I'll have to sit still for 2-3 hours while I have chemo. I have a few things to read and a few fun apps, but those will probably only interest me for so long.