First I want to define grief. According to the definition on dictionary.com, it is keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret. This means that grief is painful...it isn't a fun or easy process. It hurts. A LOT! It also means that we can grieve for a lot of reasons -- death of a loved one, miscarriage, loss of a job, end of relationship, giving up a dream, loss of health, etc. It also means that no two people will grieve the same way. Since no two people grieve the same way, we shouldn't try to push our way of grieving on someone else. It is rude, selfish, uncaring, and very hurtful to do that to someone in their time of grief.
Now that I've defined grief, I want to mention something very important. Grief does not happen in stages! Stages implies that you move through each stage and then you're done (which would mean that the grief process would be very brief, and it isn't). Grief happens in a cycle. Very often, people experience the same parts of grief multiple times during the days, weeks, months, and years that follow the experience that led to grieving.
Everyone will experience grief at some point in their lives. No one is exempt from grieving. Ignoring the event and not grieving is not an option. Doing that is actually very unhealthy and can cause various emotional, physical, and mental problems. It's best to face grief head on and deal with each part of the cycle as it comes.
How long does grief last? That's really hard to say. Again, each person experiences grief differently. Therefore, each person has a different time-frame for grieving. It also depends on what you're grieving. Grieving the loss of a job will probably take a lot less time than grieving the loss of a spouse, for example. I CAN say that for big losses, I think it is important to give yourself at least a year to eighteen months before you think that grieving is over. It's really important to make it through what I call "the year of firsts" -- the first birthday, anniversary, Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, and the one year anniversary of the death of a loved one/end of a very significant relationship.
Even if you feel like things have reached a new normal, these dates can catch you off-guard and the pain can feel brand new.
What do you do if you feel that you're getting stuck in your grief or if you have thoughts of harming yourself so that you can end the pain? TALK TO SOMEONE! Please don't think that it is normal to feel that way. Find a friend, pastor, family member, therapist...someone that will listen and offer sound advice or that will take you to get the help you need. Depression often follows the initial stages of grief. While this is normal, it is not normal for depression during grief to last a long time. If you find yourself stuck in depression, please see your doctor. A low dose of an anti-depressant for a few months may be necessary. That doesn't mean that you're weak or that you can't handle life. It does mean that you have an imbalance of chemicals in the brain; anti-depressants quickly balance them back out.
What should you do while you are grieving? Talk to someone about what happened, how you feel, and the "what if's." Find a way to remember the person you lost in a special way. Leave reminders of the person around your house (pictures, clothes, letters, etc.) so that you can accurately remember him/her.
***I realize that this has kind of turned into a loss of loved one grief discussion toward the end, but I think the focus needs to be more on it.
***I'll be posting more about grief soon. I will discuss some of my personal experiences with grief and how I dealt with them. Let me know if you have anything that you think I should add to this post. I may add more to it later as I think of more things.
Everyone will experience grief at some point in their lives. No one is exempt from grieving. Ignoring the event and not grieving is not an option. Doing that is actually very unhealthy and can cause various emotional, physical, and mental problems. It's best to face grief head on and deal with each part of the cycle as it comes.
How long does grief last? That's really hard to say. Again, each person experiences grief differently. Therefore, each person has a different time-frame for grieving. It also depends on what you're grieving. Grieving the loss of a job will probably take a lot less time than grieving the loss of a spouse, for example. I CAN say that for big losses, I think it is important to give yourself at least a year to eighteen months before you think that grieving is over. It's really important to make it through what I call "the year of firsts" -- the first birthday, anniversary, Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, and the one year anniversary of the death of a loved one/end of a very significant relationship.
Even if you feel like things have reached a new normal, these dates can catch you off-guard and the pain can feel brand new.
What do you do if you feel that you're getting stuck in your grief or if you have thoughts of harming yourself so that you can end the pain? TALK TO SOMEONE! Please don't think that it is normal to feel that way. Find a friend, pastor, family member, therapist...someone that will listen and offer sound advice or that will take you to get the help you need. Depression often follows the initial stages of grief. While this is normal, it is not normal for depression during grief to last a long time. If you find yourself stuck in depression, please see your doctor. A low dose of an anti-depressant for a few months may be necessary. That doesn't mean that you're weak or that you can't handle life. It does mean that you have an imbalance of chemicals in the brain; anti-depressants quickly balance them back out.
What should you do while you are grieving? Talk to someone about what happened, how you feel, and the "what if's." Find a way to remember the person you lost in a special way. Leave reminders of the person around your house (pictures, clothes, letters, etc.) so that you can accurately remember him/her.
***I realize that this has kind of turned into a loss of loved one grief discussion toward the end, but I think the focus needs to be more on it.
***I'll be posting more about grief soon. I will discuss some of my personal experiences with grief and how I dealt with them. Let me know if you have anything that you think I should add to this post. I may add more to it later as I think of more things.
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