this is the stuff

This song by Francesca Battistelli sounds a lot like my life right now.


I lost my keys 
In the great unknown 
And call me please 
'Cause I can't find my phone 

This is the stuff that drives me crazy. 
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately. 
In the middle of my little mess 
I forget how big I'm blessed 

This is the stuff that gets under my skin 
But I've got to trust You know exactly what You're doing 
Might not be what I might choose 
But this is the stuff you use 

45 in a 35 
Sirens and fines 
While I'm running behind 

This is the stuff that drives me crazy 
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately 
In the middle of my little mess 
I forget how big I'm blessed 

This is the stuff that gets under my skin 
But I've gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing 
Might not be what I might choose but this is the stuff You use 

So break me of impatience 
Conquer my frustrations 
I've got a new appreciation 
It's not the end of the world 

This is the stuff that drives me crazy. 
This is the stuff 
Someone save me 
In the middle of little my mess 
I forget how big I'm blessed 

This is the stuff that gets under my skin 
And I've gotta trust you know exactly what You're doing 
Might not be what I would choose but this is the stuff You use 

This is the stuff You use

faith like a child's

Kevin and I have been teaching Mattie Leigh about prayer and how to pray. We had a small obstacle in our way at first...she wouldn't let me pray with her. I talked with her for a while one day about why she'd only let Kevin pray with her, and she was finally able to tell me that she thought that only boys (men) could pray. Kevin and I talked with her and explained that anyone could pray and that God wants us to all know how to pray and to do it every day. After that, she asked me to pray with her that night. As we were first starting to pray with her, she wanted us to pray and she sat in her bed and looked a little nervous. After a few days, she has started telling us what she thinks we should pray about and then she repeats the prayers we say. I'm hoping she'll start praying on her own soon.


She definitely has the faith only a child can have. She prays and she believes that what she prays about is going to happen. It is so refreshing to see that...so many adults I know will pray for something but don't really believe that God is going to hear the prayer or answer it.


Mattie Leigh has also been paying a lot more attention in her Sunday school class and tells me what she remembers afterward. She's really starting to get what it means to be a Christian and is starting to ask questions.

grief

I've been thinking a lot about how I should approach this topic. Why? Grief is different for every person. The way I approach it may be totally different than someone that will read this. I don't want to be offensive to anyone, but I also want to share what I've learned from my experiences with grief and what I've learned from being with others as they grieve.

First I want to define grief. According to the definition on dictionary.com, it is keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret. This means that grief is painful...it isn't a fun or easy process. It hurts. A LOT! It also means that we can grieve for a lot of reasons -- death of a loved one, miscarriage, loss of a job, end of relationship, giving up a dream, loss of health, etc. It also means that no two people will grieve the same way. Since no two people grieve the same way, we shouldn't try to push our way of grieving on someone else. It is rude, selfish, uncaring, and very hurtful to do that to someone in their time of grief.

Now that I've defined grief, I want to mention something very important. Grief does not happen in stages! Stages implies that you move through each stage and then you're done (which would mean that the grief process would be very brief, and it isn't). Grief happens in a cycle. Very often, people experience the same parts of grief multiple times during the days, weeks, months, and years that follow the experience that led to grieving.


Everyone will experience grief at some point in their lives. No one is exempt from grieving. Ignoring the event and not grieving is not an option. Doing that is actually very unhealthy and can cause various emotional, physical, and mental problems. It's best to face grief head on and deal with each part of the cycle as it comes.


How long does grief last? That's really hard to say. Again, each person experiences grief differently. Therefore, each person has a different time-frame for grieving. It also depends on what you're grieving. Grieving the loss of a job will probably take a lot less time than grieving the loss of a spouse, for example. I CAN say that for big losses, I think it is important to give yourself at least a year to eighteen months before you think that grieving is over. It's really important to make it through what I call "the year of firsts" -- the first birthday, anniversary, Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, and the one year anniversary of the death of a loved one/end of a very significant relationship.
Even if you feel like things have reached a new normal, these dates can catch you off-guard and the pain can feel brand new.


What do you do if you feel that you're getting stuck in your grief or if you have thoughts of harming yourself so that you can end the pain? TALK TO SOMEONE! Please don't think that it is normal to feel that way. Find a friend, pastor, family member, therapist...someone that will listen and offer sound advice or that will take you to get the help you need. Depression often follows the initial stages of grief. While this is normal, it is not normal for depression during grief to last a long time. If you find yourself stuck in depression, please see your doctor. A low dose of an anti-depressant for a few months may be necessary. That doesn't mean that you're weak or that you can't handle life. It does mean that you have an imbalance of chemicals in the brain; anti-depressants quickly balance them back out.


What should you do while you are grieving? Talk to someone about what happened, how you feel, and the "what if's." Find a way to remember the person you lost in a special way. Leave reminders of the person around your house (pictures, clothes, letters, etc.) so that you can accurately remember him/her.


***I realize that this has kind of turned into a loss of loved one grief discussion toward the end, but I think the focus needs to be more on it.


***I'll be posting more about grief soon. I will discuss some of my personal experiences with grief and how I dealt with them. Let me know if you have anything that you think I should add to this post. I may add more to it later as I think of more things.

writing idea

I've been thinking a lot lately about possibly writing about my experiences with grief. Really, it's just been heavy on my heart and I feel like God is telling me that my experiences could help others. I'm just not quite sure what exactly needs to be written or how to go about it. I would love to know what any of you may have learned through experiences with grief (what it is/was you're grieving, what people said/did that helped/hurt you, where you are in your grief experience, and anything else that might be helpful). At this point, I think I may just write a blog post (or series of posts)...but who knows what it may eventually turn into.

yummy carrot cake

My mom has this cake creation that is absolutely delicious. You take your favorite cake mix and mix it up according to the directions on the box. Then you mix your favorite frosting, a block of cream cheese, and an egg and pour that on the top of the unbaked cake mix. You bake the whole thing off until it sets in the middle...I started the oven out at 350 degrees but reduced it before the cake was done because I was afraid that it was going to burn. I think it took about 10-15 extra minutes for the cake to cook than the box said.

I really wanted a carrot cake today so I used a Duncan Hines Decadent cake mix and Duncan Hines cream cheese frosting. It is DELICIOUS! For lunch at church on Sunday, I'm planning on making a German chocolate cake (German chocolate cake mix and butter pecan frosting).