things I learned today

I wake up really cranky when I don't get enough sleep. (I guess I've been learning this for a while, but it really hit me today. Allie Grace was awake until after 1 no matter what we did to help her go to sleep. Then, she was super restless the rest of the night, so we got very little sleep.)

I have a little road rage...EVERYTHING and EVERYONE on HWY 49 was getting on my nerves this afternoon on our way to Mattie's GI appointment. People were going to slow in the left lane, people were passing me and then going really slow when they got in front of me, road workers placed cones way too far in the lane (my car was almost in the median a few times), people braked suddenly (and for no reason), and people cut in front of me with little warning.

I really should have gotten a degree in the medical field. The nurse practitioner that we saw today was asking me how I thought we should go about treatment. She asked how aggressive I wanted to be. I told her that I wanted to first do blood work and see what that showed before we gave her anesthesia and did a scope to look for what was going on. I also had to go through ML's whole history with stomach problems (from acid reflux as an infant to the tests/scope she had done at 1 1/2 to what I thought might be going on now). She ordered blood work to check for the markers that indicate celiac disease, anemia, h. pylori infection, and anything else that would show up in blood work. We'll get results to all but one test in the next 2 days...the other one will take a week to come back. If all the blood work comes back normal, we're going to treat ML for gastritis.

I could have a potential career in wrestling. I had to wrap my legs around ML's legs and bear hug her body and left arm so one nurse could hold her right arm and the other could draw blood.

playing catch up

First, I realize that I've been MIA on the blog scene for a while. I just haven't felt like writing lately. Life has been busy with lots of  everyday stuff and even more not-so-everyday that I'd like to be gone from our lives for a while. I'm going to try to catch everyone up as best as I can.

For three months or so, we were at the doctor's office almost every week (every week and twice a week sometimes) with Allie Grace's ears. She constantly had ear infections. We finally were referred to an ENT and she got PE tubes to help with the infections a little over a month ago. She made it a month before she had another ear infection. Our pediatrician prescribed ear drops that would have cost $165.99 without insurance...I'm so thankful that we have good insurance for the girls!

Just as we were finally getting Allie Grace's ears back to normal, Mattie started having trouble with her stomach. We had a couple appointments with our pediatrician about it and they referred us to her GI doctor. For the last couple weeks, I've been having to readjust her Miralax dose so that we can hopefully get her stomach back to normal. (I'll spare the details on what exactly was going on so that no one gets grossed out.)

Oh...if you didn't notice, Mattie Leigh is now just Mattie. She told us that she wanted to be Mattie because her doctors and nurses call her that and she'll get called that when she goes to school. I'm still waiting to see if this is a permanent change or if she'll go back to Mattie after a while.

Kevin and I are still looking for a new job (one of us HAS to find something soon). I'm finding that no one is wanting to hire someone that has a counseling degree but isn't already licensed (which is where I am), so I've been feeling that I wasted a lot of time and money getting my masters. Kevin has applied at every place that he can but has only gotten one call back...and that was for a job that was wanting lots of hard work for very little money. I'm really hoping that something opens up soon, because right now, money is so tight it's hard to take care of everything that we have to each month.

Needless to say, the last few months have been super stressful for me. I've been on edge and my temper has shown up more than it should. I'm working on that...I hate being so stressed and am really trying to not let all these stresses get to me. I could really use some prayers...that the girls would get back to their healthy selves, that either Kevin or I would find a new job soon, that our financial needs would be met until a new job happens, and that I would start managing this stress better.

I think I've caught up on the important things that were missed over the last few months...I'll try to get better about blogging again.

calling all frugal friends!

I need help finding dresses for Mattie Leigh, Allie Grace, and two of my nieces...we need a 2T, 5, and 10. My hope is that there is a dress out there that will come close to matching for all four of them and work for both Easter and my brother's wedding in July. I know the wedding colors are close to lime and turquoise, so if the dresses have those colors in them, it'd be great. Otherwise, I'd like a white/cream dress that we can embellish with a sash or flowers in those colors. If any of you know where to look, please let me know.

How does she come up with this?

Last night we were visiting with Kevin's cousin, Kelli. Mattie Leigh and Isabella, her cousin that is also three, were playing together. I realized that they'd gotten really quiet and went to find them. I found them in the bathroom with the door closed. They'd put a whole roll of toilet paper in the toilet and then taken it back out, put powdered make-up in their hair, in the toilet, and on the floor, and when I caught them, they were playing with Germ-X. I took Mattie Leigh to the side and asked her who came up with the idea to do all that and she confessed that she had. Here are some pictures of what they looked like after they were caught.

Don't you love their expressions? Mattie Leigh was crying because she thought every adult in the house was about to spank them. The last picture are their footprints.

Apparently, Mattie Leigh still thought it was okay to play in the the toilet, because she definitely was at it again this morning. She now knows that it's not a good idea and if she chooses to do it again, she'll lose her TV shows for two weeks.

this is the stuff

This song by Francesca Battistelli sounds a lot like my life right now.


I lost my keys 
In the great unknown 
And call me please 
'Cause I can't find my phone 

This is the stuff that drives me crazy. 
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately. 
In the middle of my little mess 
I forget how big I'm blessed 

This is the stuff that gets under my skin 
But I've got to trust You know exactly what You're doing 
Might not be what I might choose 
But this is the stuff you use 

45 in a 35 
Sirens and fines 
While I'm running behind 

This is the stuff that drives me crazy 
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately 
In the middle of my little mess 
I forget how big I'm blessed 

This is the stuff that gets under my skin 
But I've gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing 
Might not be what I might choose but this is the stuff You use 

So break me of impatience 
Conquer my frustrations 
I've got a new appreciation 
It's not the end of the world 

This is the stuff that drives me crazy. 
This is the stuff 
Someone save me 
In the middle of little my mess 
I forget how big I'm blessed 

This is the stuff that gets under my skin 
And I've gotta trust you know exactly what You're doing 
Might not be what I would choose but this is the stuff You use 

This is the stuff You use

faith like a child's

Kevin and I have been teaching Mattie Leigh about prayer and how to pray. We had a small obstacle in our way at first...she wouldn't let me pray with her. I talked with her for a while one day about why she'd only let Kevin pray with her, and she was finally able to tell me that she thought that only boys (men) could pray. Kevin and I talked with her and explained that anyone could pray and that God wants us to all know how to pray and to do it every day. After that, she asked me to pray with her that night. As we were first starting to pray with her, she wanted us to pray and she sat in her bed and looked a little nervous. After a few days, she has started telling us what she thinks we should pray about and then she repeats the prayers we say. I'm hoping she'll start praying on her own soon.


She definitely has the faith only a child can have. She prays and she believes that what she prays about is going to happen. It is so refreshing to see that...so many adults I know will pray for something but don't really believe that God is going to hear the prayer or answer it.


Mattie Leigh has also been paying a lot more attention in her Sunday school class and tells me what she remembers afterward. She's really starting to get what it means to be a Christian and is starting to ask questions.

grief

I've been thinking a lot about how I should approach this topic. Why? Grief is different for every person. The way I approach it may be totally different than someone that will read this. I don't want to be offensive to anyone, but I also want to share what I've learned from my experiences with grief and what I've learned from being with others as they grieve.

First I want to define grief. According to the definition on dictionary.com, it is keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret. This means that grief is painful...it isn't a fun or easy process. It hurts. A LOT! It also means that we can grieve for a lot of reasons -- death of a loved one, miscarriage, loss of a job, end of relationship, giving up a dream, loss of health, etc. It also means that no two people will grieve the same way. Since no two people grieve the same way, we shouldn't try to push our way of grieving on someone else. It is rude, selfish, uncaring, and very hurtful to do that to someone in their time of grief.

Now that I've defined grief, I want to mention something very important. Grief does not happen in stages! Stages implies that you move through each stage and then you're done (which would mean that the grief process would be very brief, and it isn't). Grief happens in a cycle. Very often, people experience the same parts of grief multiple times during the days, weeks, months, and years that follow the experience that led to grieving.


Everyone will experience grief at some point in their lives. No one is exempt from grieving. Ignoring the event and not grieving is not an option. Doing that is actually very unhealthy and can cause various emotional, physical, and mental problems. It's best to face grief head on and deal with each part of the cycle as it comes.


How long does grief last? That's really hard to say. Again, each person experiences grief differently. Therefore, each person has a different time-frame for grieving. It also depends on what you're grieving. Grieving the loss of a job will probably take a lot less time than grieving the loss of a spouse, for example. I CAN say that for big losses, I think it is important to give yourself at least a year to eighteen months before you think that grieving is over. It's really important to make it through what I call "the year of firsts" -- the first birthday, anniversary, Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, and the one year anniversary of the death of a loved one/end of a very significant relationship.
Even if you feel like things have reached a new normal, these dates can catch you off-guard and the pain can feel brand new.


What do you do if you feel that you're getting stuck in your grief or if you have thoughts of harming yourself so that you can end the pain? TALK TO SOMEONE! Please don't think that it is normal to feel that way. Find a friend, pastor, family member, therapist...someone that will listen and offer sound advice or that will take you to get the help you need. Depression often follows the initial stages of grief. While this is normal, it is not normal for depression during grief to last a long time. If you find yourself stuck in depression, please see your doctor. A low dose of an anti-depressant for a few months may be necessary. That doesn't mean that you're weak or that you can't handle life. It does mean that you have an imbalance of chemicals in the brain; anti-depressants quickly balance them back out.


What should you do while you are grieving? Talk to someone about what happened, how you feel, and the "what if's." Find a way to remember the person you lost in a special way. Leave reminders of the person around your house (pictures, clothes, letters, etc.) so that you can accurately remember him/her.


***I realize that this has kind of turned into a loss of loved one grief discussion toward the end, but I think the focus needs to be more on it.


***I'll be posting more about grief soon. I will discuss some of my personal experiences with grief and how I dealt with them. Let me know if you have anything that you think I should add to this post. I may add more to it later as I think of more things.